He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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