i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
