What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
