Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
