So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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