If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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