Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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