she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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