Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
