its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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