Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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