I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
