Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
