my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
