oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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