I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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