You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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