I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize