I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
