Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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