I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
