remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
