lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
