I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
