i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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