remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
