I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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