Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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