What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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