You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
