Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
