Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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