...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
