hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
