my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
