So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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