they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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