i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
