somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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