I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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