So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
