clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
