I'm jealous of your bromance
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
