When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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