I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
