shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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