you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
