Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
