Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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