My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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