Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
