You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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