now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
