I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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