The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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