Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
