Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
