So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
