Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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