sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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