We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
