and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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