nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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