told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
