to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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